Abuse Camouflaged as Love

I dated this guy in college. He pursued me. I thought, why not. A few dates couldn’t hurt. Few dates turned into few months and before I knew it, I was a victim of an emotionally abusive relationship.

Within a month, he told me that he had a list of 10 things he looks for in a girlfriend/future wife and I only fulfilled 2. He said my makeup was too dark, my clothes were too revealing, I shouldn’t go dancing at night, I shouldn’t drink, and I should be a good cook. I felt horrible about myself, but for some reason I thought he was right. So I completely changed myself.

Eventually, I realized this relationship wasn’t healthy. There is no way that this was right when I was miserable all the time. After breaking up, I saw him again. We hung out with a group of friends and we ended up in the same car. When he dropped me off after the hangout, he leaned in for a kiss. Wtf?! I leaned back and asked what he was doing. He said that he didn’t think he could meet anyone else and I was the one for him. What in the world was he talking about when just a few months ago I didn’t even fulfill half of his non-negotiables?

Looking back now, I realize what an abusive relationship this was. Because we were both Christian, I trusted that he was trying to help me be a “good Christian woman.” But I see now how Jesus was an excuse to control me into who he wanted me to be. I know God cares more about my heart than what I look like physically. But for a brief moment, I believed otherwise.


(All stories are told in first person. Want to share your dating fails? I’ll write it. Contact me here.)

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